• Throughout the years, I have come up with a few schemes. None of which has ever done me anything good, and yet I still spend the energy to try to come up with one that will.
• It all began quite innocently enough as a Christmas present. When it comes to shopping for Christmas presents I just flop triumphantly. I was not made to go shopping. When I get into a mall, I begin to feel the walls closing in on me. I develop a panic, begin sweating profusely and then head for my car without looking back.
• About the Christmas present. Aha, that was the solution to my Christmas shopping and a brilliant scheme that would benefit both of us.
• This past Christmas I purchased for my lovely wife a round-trip ticket to New York to visit her family for a week. A week of her enjoying her family and they reciprocating the enjoyment. I did mention it was a "round-trip ticket." I do not mind sending her away as long as it includes a plan to return.
• Now, the brilliant side of my scheme.
• While she is in New York visiting with her relatives, I would be king of the castle. I have been looking forward to this for a long time. She gets to have fun with her relatives, and I get to have fun with myself.
• For the week, I will turn our rather pleasant little domicile into a rip, snorting man cave. Ah, the thought of it was wonderful. The house would be mine for a week, and nobody would be supervising me. Nothing I like more than a week of no supervision. Oh sure, I could get into a lot of trouble, but what's life for if we cannot sample a wee bit of trouble occasionally.
• For one, I would be in charge of the menu for the week. I was really looking forward to this.
• Before she left, my wife made me promise that I would eat my fruits and vegetables and I would have a balanced diet every day. With a twinkle in my eye, more twinklely than normal, I agreed to her stipulations. I had my diet already planned in my head.
• For a whole week, there would be no such things as salads for every meal. How she can come up with the variety of salads she serves is beyond my aching head. She honestly believes that a salad makes the world go round. Now, no salads in this house, correction, man cave, for a whole week. I love it when a plan comes to

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