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ask.
• One of my New Year's resolutions is to ask no question I do not want to hear the answer. Believe me when I say ignorance is bliss.
• The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage is a health nut, whereas, I am just a plain nut with lots of fudge icing on the top. As nuts are concerned, I prefer nuts with fudge icing.
• Every year right after Christmas and before the New Year comes in, my wife and I have this conversation about the upcoming diet. I need to correct myself here. When I use the word "conversation," I probably should use the word "monologue." When it comes to diets, I have absolutely nothing to say. My wife on the other hand, has plenty to say and when she is saying it to me, she holds nothing back.
• When it comes to diets and dieting, I have my own ideas about the whole matter. I do not see myself as fat, just post-thin. For arguments sake, let's say I am fat. I take refuge in the Bible along this line, which says, "All the fat is the Lord's" (Leviticus 4:16b KJV).
• If I was to argue with my wife, which I promise you I am not going to, I could lay all of the blame about my being post-thin on her. I have pictures to prove my point. Before we got married, I was very thin. Now look at me! I don't have to draw a picture for you, do I?
• Along this line of diets, I think I am doing rather well. I have come up with ideas that have made me quite comfortable along this line.
• Last week I bought a dress shirt and brought it home. When I tried it on it was three sizes too big for me making me look rather thin. I love that shirt. That shirt was made for people like me. Every time I wear that shirt in public somebody usually says, "You must've lost a lot of weight." I just smile.
• I have other shirts in my closet that have brought me no end of grief. Here is what I want to know. Why do my shirts get thin but I don't? After all, we go to the same places and eat at the same restaurants. There is something here I believe I am missing!
• Whenever I am off on a trip somewhere my wife always says just as I leave, "Make sure that you watch what you eat while you're away."
• I am delighted to report to her or anybody else who will listen that I always watch what I eat. After all, I would hate to take a bite of broccoli by mistake. Therefore, I watch every bite I eat to make sure it is as delicious as possible.
• My wife is always encouraging me to eat more fruit. I believe fruit is a matter of personal opinion and preference. My wife believes that bananas are fruit. I, on the other hand, believe that a banana split is fruit.

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