Like many of you I have been watching the television shows "American Idol", "So You Think You Can Dance", "The Voice", "X-Factor", "America's Got Talent" and "The Three Stooges". These are great shows with real people just like you and me. Well, maybe like you but not me. There are amazing singers, dancers, magicians, acrobats, jugglers, ventriloquists and dog acts. I love watching these shows. I have been thinking lately about what talent I could show in order to get on one of these shows.
I've been rather depressed lately. I listen to the singers and I realize that I can't sing. I do sing but it is categorized more as caterwauling. I was a lead caterwauler/singer once in a church musical and they didn't let me sing. Two weeks before the show the director told me not to sing but to talk George Burns style through the songs. At practice when I would sing, the director would turn pale as a sheet and get a little faint and nauseous. I've volunteered for musicals after that and she has had that same pale, faint reaction. I think she needs to have that checked. I tried out for our high school choir. The music instructor had me sing God Bless America. He was also a little pale and nauseous. He never said a word to me, yes or no, I guess he was speechless, so I tried for a few weeks to attend practices but he kept moving the practice to some undisclosed location. I love to sing hymns in church but I had to quit because my children's laughter disturbed the rest of the congregation.
I watch the dancers and I realize I can't dance. Although I did win second place once in a twist contest and that was by cheating. How do you cheat doing the twist? It's another story.  Recently, at my son's wedding I did a slow Waltz with my daughter in law. She is now on partial disability due to toe injuries.
I had a violin and a banjo as a kid, but I didn't get far with them as my twin brother broke them both over my head playing El Kabong from the Saturday morning cartoons.
I did take piano lessons and my teacher thought I was a child prodigy, until the second lesson. At my one and only recital she was a little pale and faint, it was a rather unique rendition of chopsticks if I do say so myself.
I can play a mean three blind mice on the harmonica but I'm thinking that's just not enough. I don't know, I guess I'm down to being one of the three stooges. My wife is shaking her head "YES!"   
Boomer Babble - "Thoughts at Large" are written by the Boomer Babble Guys, Charles Doug and John with occasional help from friends.  The Boomer Babble radio show is broadcast on WNAX 570 Sunday evenings at 5:00.  Visit us at BoomerBabble.com.