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air, and gleefully cut down every tree that stood under that branch.  One of them was the only flowering tree on our lot, which, of course, I will never forgive him for.
• Only after he had cut down those trees did the Bill Nye side kick in and he realized that he had no way to get a rope up that high and tie it to the tree.  He was envisioning a Tarzan vine, I guess.  The Bill Nye side was saying, "The longer the rope, the farther the kids can swing."  But the redneck side just wanted to cut down some trees.
• When I arrived home and saw the carnage, I was… less than pleased.  I understood that he was doing a kindness for his children, but I also recognized his need for an excuse to use his chainsaw.
• Before we even had a chance to buy the rope, he showed me another project he'd been working on in his shop.  It was, of course, part genius, part redneck.  Made of 5 feet of PVC drainage pipe, a door handle, and an electronic switch, he had made a potato cannon.
• Being neither a genius nor a redneck, I looked at him blankly and asked, "What's it for?"
• "Well, it's for shooting potatoes, of course."
• Now, I wasn't so dense that I didn't realize that a potato cannon would, in all likelihood, turn a potato into a projectile.  My question was meant to determine what need we would have for a flying potato.
• As I watched, he held the giant drainage pipe on his shoulder like a bazooka, sprayed hair spray into the cylinder, closed it, and pushed the switch.  It made a boom like you'd hear in a Fourth of July fireworks display, only louder since we were standing right next to it.
• I saw the potato come flying out of the end followed by a two foot column of flames.  It raced over the tops of the trees and was gone from sight.
• Somewhere in the next county, it was raining potatoes…clearly an unusual event.
• My husband stood there with his mouth open and slowly lowered his ballistic potato gizmo.  I stared at him, dumbfounded.
• Bill Nye said, "Whoa!  I didn't think it would work that well."  I just stood there, too stunned to speak.
• "But", the redneck exclaimed brightly, "I think I may have found a way to get a rope up that tree after all!"
• You can reach Laura at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com Or visit her website www.lauraonlife.com for more columns and info about her new book.
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